Fan Letter from a “Stalker”

by Bruce Kasanoff on December 1, 2011

Edna Munson of Prairie Falls, ID recently received this letter…

Dear Edna:

How was your recent trip to Los Angeles? I couldn’t help noticing that big grin on your face as you left the Getty Museum. Truth be told, your smile is so infectious, I followed you all over town.

Not to worry, I wasn’t actually in LA. I have a hard time getting around (long story), so I use the millions of cameras that are operating remotely around the world to travel vicariously. Pattern recognition software helps, which is how I spotted that lovely pink and blue blouse of yours entering the Staples Center. Great concert, wasn’t it?

Much as I love convertibles, I’m not a big fan of LA freeways and can’t say it’s wise to race down the 101 at 81.2 mph the way you did on Tuesday. Your girlfriend can wait, and besides More Than Waffles ain’t going anywhere; your girlfriend – Annie, right? – can wait a few extra minutes.

Not to creep you out – I’m happily and faithfully married for nine years – but you are in amazing shape. Not many women rock a bikini like you did in Venice, and I mean that sincerely.

I’m done following you, no kidding, but just wanted you to know that you bring energy to the world and that’s a wonderful thing.

An Admirer

P.S. Like all posts on this blog, this is a work of fiction designed to highlight plausible scenarios in the very near future.

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